She goes by the name ‘Avril,’ but her real name is John Waldermar Roque. Through the walls of her home, she was often called ‘Diko,’ while in the school corridors, her classmates address her as ‘Roqs’ or ‘Roque.’ And if you want to annoy her, just say ‘John-john.’ Although she is known by different names to those seeking to provoke her, one consistent aspect about her remains: she is unlike anyone else.
It was in Grade 9 when Avril realized there was something different about her. Gradually, she noticed that she had started wearing heavy make-up. However, that difference did not register in her mind as “wrong”; instead, it felt more like a unique aspect of her identity. This realization filled her with profound and comforting happy thoughts, knowing that she was truly one-of-a-kind.
Avril is a very expressive person, always conveying herself with clarity and intensity. In her leisure, she records herself dancing in clothes inspired by Korean pop girl groups she covers, and she also writes music as another form of expression. However, she is still not out, and she doesn't feel the need to be.
Photos #2-5: GLAM | On May 21, in their front yard, Avril applies make-up to her face as preparation for going to school. “Makikita kasi ni Nanay kapag sa loob ako naglagay, baka pagalitan ako,” she said. Avril told me that her family neither accepted nor denied her, implying that maybe they were just ‘tolerant.’
Avril believes that her community, LGBTQIA+, needs “full acceptance,” opposing what the society is rather trying to impose—mere tolerance. Reflecting on this belief, she became Social Media Manager of Gender and Development (GAD), a non-academic organization at her school that advocates for gender equality and inclusivity. Although crossdressing is still not allowed, Avril is ecstatic as she can casually wear light make-up, demonstrating the school’s slow but steady progress for inclusivity. Within the community, Avril finds empowerment and support as she navigates the journey towards greater acceptances, not only in her school but society at large.
Photos #6-8: After her organizational duties at school, which included submitting a project proposal, Avril unwinds at a coffee shop, treating herself to a venti-sized Caramel milk tea before heading home. (I wasn’t able to tag along inside her school as outsiders were not allowed.)
Photos #9-12: COLOR GUARD | Avril twirls the flag in the air, polishing the dance routines that were taught to her. She and her drum and lyre corps are set to perform in a parade on May 26.
In another supportive environment, she finds a second home in the Royal Empire Marching Percussion, a drum and lyre corps, where she serves as a color guard. There, she was welcomed with warmth and assurance by her co-members, always encouraged to be herself. However, despite being a transwoman, she frequently faced the burden of stereotypical remarks, such as 'color guard is only for females.' Yet, through self-confidence, Avril continued to defy these limitations, asserting her rightful place in the corps and challenging preconceived notions of gender roles.
Photos #13-16: On the same day, Avril sifts through the clothes at a department store and secondhand clothing, otherwise known as “ukay-ukay” to look for a white top for her upcoming performance. Usually, she visits both shops to see what she can buy with her small amount of money.
Photos #17-18: Avril applies a small amount of cosmetic tester product on her hand. She goes window shopping in order to put it on her list of items to purchase when her allowance is released.
Despite having self-confidence, one significant fact remains: she is still not immune. She was still often misgendered, disfavored for her gender, and restricted to all-gender restrooms and clothing, taking yet another toll on her mind. In these moments, she finds comfort in her reflection, reminding herself of the progress she has made over the years–progress that must never be 'suppressed nor obstructed by anyone.' And while she recognizes that it’s not all about rainbows and butterflies, Avril still tries to create a path that will make her life happier and better for her community.
Photos #19-21: PLACIDITY | Ending her day in solitude, she indulges in a mall’s rooftop view to consolidate her brain from unpleasant experiences and escape the world for a while.
Unlike most gardens, hers lacks a flowery path, with thorns that are made to either fortify or destroy her. However, despite living in a world that often fails to understand or accept her, she never hesitates to offer love—for herself and for others. This quality has helped her to better understand other people and appreciate herself. Amidst the thorns of her unconventional garden, Avril finds solace in the courage to embrace her truth and not hide, even as she confronts the daunting obstacles that lie ahead. She is Avril; you can call her ‘names,’ but she is only known for one thing: her undeterred authenticity.
